From: barbara lochner <To:
Sent: Sun, February 6, 2005 8:34:48 PM
Subject: Re: mother's blood pressure meds
Re not using good judgment - no kidding!!! I have
talked to daddy several times, trying to get him to
drink water. Mother thinks he threw up this a.m. I
think he is getting dehydrated. He says he never was
one much for water and that is that.
I am sending mother a copy of the e-mail I sent you
regarding the wrong blood pressure meds...I am not
sending her the pages and pages and pages I am sending
you. If you will go over them with her -- I am going
to start working on her regarding showing this
information to her Dr. and asking for a change. The
book says that coming off the calcium blocker must be
monitored by a Dr...
Enjoy your trip..I will talk to you then. Love.
--- m wrote:
> Hi. Thanks for e-mail and call. I have been taking
> care of my mother for
> the last few days and am EXHAUSTED. We will be
> traveling to FL on Tuesday and
> will chat with you while on the road, if that's
> okay. You know your Dad is
> very sick. He even asked Wayne if he would feed his
> barn kitties until further
> notice. We're talking sick. He looks like a dead
> man and said he felt awful.
> He has coughed so much and your Mom complains that
> he never covers his mouth
> even though she tried to get him to. Also, we have
> been trying to convince
> her that she needs Theresa on Saturdays as well.
> Popa put his foot down and
> said no, so she has a battle on her hands, but she
> missed her breakfast with the
> gang yesterday. Popa was too sick to help her get
> ready and she asked Wayne
> if he would help. He told her no, that he was going
> to NC early. So she
> missed the party and was not happy. Maybe if she
> gets unhappy enough she will
> pitch a fit and bring in Theresa for Saturdays. I
> wouldn't even have to be for
> the entire day, maybe 8:00-12:00 for example. Wayne
> talked to Teresa and she
> said that she would be happy to work on Saturdays
> also. Don't know what else we
> can do at this point. I respect that there are
> things they should be
> deciding for themselves, but they just don't seem to
> be using good judgment. Talk
> soon. Love, Shee
>
2.06.2005
10.01.2004
10.1.04 Mother's checking account
Signing Mother's checks.
Mother and Daddy had separate checking accounts. Mother worked all of her married life and retired as a government employee from the accounting division of Defense Electronic Supply Center in Ohio. Mother's retirement income was greater than Daddy's income. One of the few times that Mother absolutely put her foot down was when she started her own checking account while Daddy had his own checking account and this started when she moved to Virginia. Each had household payment responsibilities.
Mother's illness progressed to the point where she could no long sign her name because of the tremors. Mother ask me if I would sign her checks. I said OK, but I would let the siblings know. I talked to Gail and ekj, explained that mom wanted wanted me to sign her checks and did they have a problem with it and the answer was no from both. I track my personal account via on-line and put all transactions in quicken pro-books so I naturally did that with mother's account.
The monthly bank statements were sent to Mom and Dad's house and after, I assume Dad, opened the statements, they were give to me for balancing.
I told both siblings that I would send both monthly reports and gave both the username and password for
the on-line account. Both declined the reports. ekj ultimately used the username and password to block my access to the account.
My only instructions were to keep Daddy from knowing what she spent money on. Mother gave money to the church which Daddy didn't like, nor did he like most of her other purchases.
9.22.2004
9.22.04 Barbara re food prep
From: barbara lochner <
To: Sheila King
Cc: springhl@infinet.com
Sent: Wed, September 22, 2004 2:22:55 PM
Subject: food
I talked to mother at length re their schedule and
think the best thing they can do is eat their major
meal mid-day when Theresa can prepare it, pack up the
leftovers, and put the dishes in the dishwasher on the
way out. This way the food is fresh, will taste best,
and has maximum nutrition. It will be at least one
hot meal per day. It also keeps mom and dad away from
the stove, boiling water, heavy pots, etc. as much as
possible. Also cuts down on the possibility of food
going bad. Also doesn't require all that space in the
refrigerator. They can have left-overs, sandwiches,
and/or easy to prepare other foods at night. Or, if
you are there and making something they like for
dinner, you can share.
Having the main meal at mid-day is not unheard of and
anti-Christ. Half the world eats this way. The
mid-day meal is called dinner and the evening meal is
called supper. Daddy grew up eating this way.
Grandma King did not - repeat - did not fire up the
stove at night. They ate what was in the warming oven
or sitting out from dinner (lunch).
Mother seems to think she can try this. Daddy should
be okay with this if he's reminded that this is how
farmers schedule their meals...and how his own mother
cooked.
This simple change is the best thing they can do for
themselves by far.
The only downside is that this will take away from
Teresa's cleaning time, but Rita can come more
often...
also not unheard of and anti-Christ.
I am making a list of all the foods I remember daddy
eating...easy to prepare foods they will eat that
Teresa can cook, suggested menu combinations, etc.
I am also making copies of easy to prepare recipes
with a few simple ingredients.
I will get these to you as I finish them.
To: Sheila King
Cc: springhl@infinet.com
Sent: Wed, September 22, 2004 2:22:55 PM
Subject: food
I talked to mother at length re their schedule and
think the best thing they can do is eat their major
meal mid-day when Theresa can prepare it, pack up the
leftovers, and put the dishes in the dishwasher on the
way out. This way the food is fresh, will taste best,
and has maximum nutrition. It will be at least one
hot meal per day. It also keeps mom and dad away from
the stove, boiling water, heavy pots, etc. as much as
possible. Also cuts down on the possibility of food
going bad. Also doesn't require all that space in the
refrigerator. They can have left-overs, sandwiches,
and/or easy to prepare other foods at night. Or, if
you are there and making something they like for
dinner, you can share.
Having the main meal at mid-day is not unheard of and
anti-Christ. Half the world eats this way. The
mid-day meal is called dinner and the evening meal is
called supper. Daddy grew up eating this way.
Grandma King did not - repeat - did not fire up the
stove at night. They ate what was in the warming oven
or sitting out from dinner (lunch).
Mother seems to think she can try this. Daddy should
be okay with this if he's reminded that this is how
farmers schedule their meals...and how his own mother
cooked.
This simple change is the best thing they can do for
themselves by far.
The only downside is that this will take away from
Teresa's cleaning time, but Rita can come more
often...
also not unheard of and anti-Christ.
I am making a list of all the foods I remember daddy
eating...easy to prepare foods they will eat that
Teresa can cook, suggested menu combinations, etc.
I am also making copies of easy to prepare recipes
with a few simple ingredients.
I will get these to you as I finish them.
9.13.2004
9.13.04 Barbara email to friend
From: barbara lochner <
To:
Sent: Mon, September 13, 2004 6:04:33 PM
Subject: addendum
I just reread my last msg to you and realize I did not
make it clear that my brother thinks I should relocate
back there and take my equal share in caring for my
parents. While having no control of any of the
circumstances. We are talking about people who refuse
to consider meals on wheels and the local senior
support agency. Yet think nothing of expecting me to
give up my income, house, friends, etc. and go back in
wait of my mother's ringing bell and daddy's next
header off the tractor.
To:
Sent: Mon, September 13, 2004 6:04:33 PM
Subject: addendum
I just reread my last msg to you and realize I did not
make it clear that my brother thinks I should relocate
back there and take my equal share in caring for my
parents. While having no control of any of the
circumstances. We are talking about people who refuse
to consider meals on wheels and the local senior
support agency. Yet think nothing of expecting me to
give up my income, house, friends, etc. and go back in
wait of my mother's ringing bell and daddy's next
header off the tractor.
4.01.2004
4.04 CBGD - Mother's disease
Corticobasal Ganglionic Degeneration, or CBGD, is not a common illness. It is difficult to pronounce, let alone to understand. In a world full of neurologic disease oriented foundations, such as the United Parkinson’s Foundation, Alzheimer’s Association, Multiple Sclerosis Society, and Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis Society of America (to name only a few), there is no, nor is there likely to soon be, a “Corticobasal Ganglionic Degeneration Organization.” Yet this disease exists. It impacts real people and real families. It presents overwhelming challenges to all it touches. It is a profound condition that effects our ability to communicate through spoken and written word, and gesture. Yet it typically leaves our comprehension and insight intact. A common theme which emerges for the patient and their family is isolation. The patient can feel progressively cut off from their ability to communicate with the outside world. Their family feels isolated from the medical and caregiver community because few people understand this disease, and there are few support groups or organizations dedicated to it.
11.26.2003
11.26.03 Barbara email to friend
From: barbara lochner >
To:
Sent: Wed, November 26, 2003 7:21:26 PM
Subject: windows 98???
To:
Sent: Wed, November 26, 2003 7:21:26 PM
Subject: windows 98???
The voice has come down from on high. Dr. in Dayton
that we all like says mother has severe arthritis and
severe nerve damage in the lower spine..miracle there
is no pain involved. Too old to atempt surgery. Plus
the neuropathy in the legs, of course. No turning to
the left or right. No reaching up or down. If she
concentrates on a low center of gravity, she can walk
from here to there without pitching over. Reality is,
she needs to start using a walker but mentally may not
be there yet. Therapy and exercise will hopefully
keep up the muscle strength. Nothing else to do...
Good news is that vital organs are okay and she has no
brain disease...MS or Parkinsons.
She had eye surgery this last year so can see better
than ever.
11.04.2003
11.4.03 Barbara email to friend
From: barbara lochner <
To:
Sent: Tue, November 4, 2003 8:25:56 PM
Subject: slogging along
Yesterday afternoon I hauled out the electric blanket
and went to bed. My neighbor who finds herself
endlessly fascinating called about 4 and said, oh did
I wake you. Yes, you did. She just went right on,
and as I hope to sell her house one day, I went right
on with her. But went early to bed, around 8. Today
is some better.
My parents are living in the house they built when
they retired, about 23 years ago. It is about 2000 sq
ft, with a full basement. It backs up to the family
farm which is about 90 acres. My father disappears
back into the fields for hours at a time. When he is
gone, my mother is afraid to get out of her chair for
fear that she will fall - and no one will know. My
brother & wife are building a house on the lot next
door and are currently camping out in a motor home
next to the new house.
They hover around, hoping to catch my parents before
they fall or otherwise hurt themselves. It is very
difficult for Wayne & Sheila. They had planned to
spend the winter in Florida, for instance, but dare
not leave with my mother in the condition she is in.
My father tells them, practically on a daily basis,
that they don't need to be there. He insists that he
and mother are perfectly fine..not frail, not in need
of help, etc. He flatly refuses to have any help in
the house...Only rarely does the cleaning woman come
in...when they are expecting house guests, only. He
verbally attacks my brother when bro tries to help mom
out of the car. "Leave her alone, leave her alone."
He insists that she is okay when she obviously is not.
Wayne says daddy bares his teeth and hisses.. Brother
cooks and takes them food but daddy ignores it or
looks at it and snorts. He is a very difficult man
and moreso than ever. The idea of getting them into a
care facility is a joke. My dad would greet any
would-be helpers with his shotgun. Mother has spent
her life trying to pacify my Father..still making
feeble comments..
"Well, let's wait and see what the dr has to say..this
is probably all temporary...etc."
If my dad makes her a piece of toast, it's looked on
as manna from the gods.
To:
Sent: Tue, November 4, 2003 8:25:56 PM
Subject: slogging along
Yesterday afternoon I hauled out the electric blanket
and went to bed. My neighbor who finds herself
endlessly fascinating called about 4 and said, oh did
I wake you. Yes, you did. She just went right on,
and as I hope to sell her house one day, I went right
on with her. But went early to bed, around 8. Today
is some better.
My parents are living in the house they built when
they retired, about 23 years ago. It is about 2000 sq
ft, with a full basement. It backs up to the family
farm which is about 90 acres. My father disappears
back into the fields for hours at a time. When he is
gone, my mother is afraid to get out of her chair for
fear that she will fall - and no one will know. My
brother & wife are building a house on the lot next
door and are currently camping out in a motor home
next to the new house.
They hover around, hoping to catch my parents before
they fall or otherwise hurt themselves. It is very
difficult for Wayne & Sheila. They had planned to
spend the winter in Florida, for instance, but dare
not leave with my mother in the condition she is in.
My father tells them, practically on a daily basis,
that they don't need to be there. He insists that he
and mother are perfectly fine..not frail, not in need
of help, etc. He flatly refuses to have any help in
the house...Only rarely does the cleaning woman come
in...when they are expecting house guests, only. He
verbally attacks my brother when bro tries to help mom
out of the car. "Leave her alone, leave her alone."
He insists that she is okay when she obviously is not.
Wayne says daddy bares his teeth and hisses.. Brother
cooks and takes them food but daddy ignores it or
looks at it and snorts. He is a very difficult man
and moreso than ever. The idea of getting them into a
care facility is a joke. My dad would greet any
would-be helpers with his shotgun. Mother has spent
her life trying to pacify my Father..still making
feeble comments..
"Well, let's wait and see what the dr has to say..this
is probably all temporary...etc."
If my dad makes her a piece of toast, it's looked on
as manna from the gods.
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