10.23.05 Mother/Daddy update

- On Sun, 10/23/05, Liz <lizkingjones@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Liz <lizkingjones@yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: Update

To: "Sheila King" <

Date: Sunday, October 23, 2005, 10:18 PM

Thanks Sheila.  
I feel so bad that I can't be there all the time. I'm thinking
about coming down once a month and taking a few days off work
when I do so I can be there 2 or 3 full days.  I have about 20
days of leave (sick, vacation, and personal) left after the 4
days I took Labor Day week.
I told Mom today that I'll come on the 9th of Nov (a Thurs) and
go back on Monday, Veterans Day.  She could hardly talk to me.
Maybe when I come down I can get Dad to let me help him with
 the
his bills.  I'm worried about him, too.  I can hardly stand to
loose them both, although I know he will not be long for this
world when Mother passes.
We haven't heard anything about the busines deal yet, or the
job.  It should be a few weeks yet before they interview.  I
guess I'd better get myself psyched up for that.  Mary Bullen
still has the books, she took them to her accounting firm almost
two weeks ago.   The train station is looking really good.  I
told you that she bought it, didn't I?  She is fixing it up for
Woody to put the business in.  New red tin roof, new paint,
wheelchair lift to upper floor for the new bathroom, utility
sink in the office for testing water, new furnace and air, new
sidewalk and concrete parking.  WOW!  I'll have to take a
picture of it for you, you can compare it with the old one, if
you still have it.  (Oh, now, don't let your mind wander.  Mary
Bullen is reported
 to be a lesbian.  I don't think she is
interested in Woody). 
We worked at the house on S Main today.  Woody went in the
morning and I went after church.  We don't know what we are
doing with that place yet, just working on it when we have time
and when we don't, we just don't allow ourselves to stress over
it.
We had a new sidewalk poured last week and Woody painted in the
Kitchen today while I worked upstairs patching and painting the
bedroom closets.
He is such a good man.  It was the luckiest day of my life the
day I married that man.
I'd better get going.  I'll be heading to work to surprise them
tomorrow since they think I am headed to VA.  Love to you and
kiss your Momma for me.  Liz

--- Sheila King < wrote:

> Hi to both.  Well, this was a sad day for me.  Your mother is
> not doing well at all.  She has been weepy and, I believe,
> realizing that
 she is dying.  Although she has not officially
> mentioned it, she has made a number of statements that
> indicate she is thinking along those lines.  
>  
> She asked me to have Liz cancel her trip.  She said that she
> just was not able to go at this time and would like for her
> (Mother) to decide about going at a later time.  Her feet have
> been numb today and she cannot feed herself.  She also has
> been a little confused, unable to organize thoughts, etc. I
> told her that Popa had made some strong statements to me about
> helping Remy fix food for them.  He said, "I don't know if
> there is anything in the refrigerator for us to eat but even
> if there isn't, there is food here and you don't need to
> bother."  Your Mother told Wayne and me not to upset Popa,
> that he needed to feel he is in charge so let him deal with
> the food.  Wayne said, "At what
 point do we not let him?  He
> doesn't know who he is most of the time."  She said that
> paying bills was so confusing and stressful for him, but of
> course there is nothing anyone can do about it.  She said she
> just wanted all of us not to be angry.   
>  
> She also said that Remy was very attentive to her.  She gives
> her a sponge bath every morning and dresses her.  When your
> Mom wets the bed at night (usually now), Remy changes the
> sheets and washes them immediately in the morning.  Popa still
> won't call her to help him during the night, so your Mom
> sleeps in it until morn.  Not pretty, but beyond our control. 
> Your mom told me today that Popa has no trouble getting her up
> to potty during the night, but then she turns around and says
> she sleeps all night without waking up.  I think it is part of
> the confusion she is having.  Still,  your
 Mom is squeaky
> clean anytime we go over, hair combed, teeth brushed, with
> little grapes and apples and ice water almost always on her
> little table by the bed.  She said that Popa likes Remy.  Remy
> is quiet and allows Popa to think he is the boss, and he likes
> that.  
>  
> But Remy is pretty good.  For example, your dad won't give
> your mom pain medicine even though Scott told her to take it
> regularly for a few days.  The instructions on the label say,
> "Take as needed for pain, every 4-6 hours."  Popa thinks that
> means that when he decides she is in pain, he will give her
> one.  So she waits until he leaves the room and has Remy give
> her a pain pill.  Guess they are all working out their deal.
>  
> Just wanted to bring you up on the latest.  I know it is
> difficult when you are not here and sometimes too much times
> passes before
 you get updates.  Love you both.  Shee  
> 
>   
> ---------------------------------

10.5.05 Barbara email/stroke

Am leaving Tuesday, 11th, for a visit with my parents.
They get worse by the minute.  Daddy showed up at my
brother's door last Thursday at 6:30 p.m., asking if
they knew where my mother was.  Dad had been visiting
her in the hospital and about noon said he wasn't
feeling well and went downstairs to see his Dr.  Dr
ran an EKG and pronounced my dad fine.  He was
actually in the process of having a stroke.  He
wandered around for hours trying to find his car, and
then more hours trying to find his way home.  The
hospital is 7 miles away.  He has no memory of that
day and several others surrounding.  When I say the
Dr's down there are beyond stupid, I am not
exaggerating.  If you ever wonder where the bottom 10
percent of the worst med graduating class is, just ask
me.  

Also have to bring back the dog they inherited from my
dad's sister last month.  She died just days short of
94.  They are in no way able to care for a dog.  Will
be gone Tuesday to Tuesday.    

10.01.05 ekj put mother in nursing home

10.1.05 ekj daddy stroke mother's condition

9.15.05 ekj correspondence with cbgd group

2.6.05 Shee to Barbara emails

From: barbara lochner <To:
Sent: Sun, February 6, 2005 8:34:48 PM
Subject: Re: mother's blood pressure meds

Re not using good judgment - no kidding!!!  I have
talked to daddy several times, trying to get him to
drink water.  Mother thinks he threw up this a.m.  I
think he is getting dehydrated.  He says he never was
one much for water and that is that.
I am sending mother a copy of the e-mail I sent you
regarding the wrong blood pressure meds...I am not
sending her the pages and pages and pages I am sending
you.  If you will go over them with her -- I am going
to start working on her regarding showing this
information to her Dr. and asking for a change.  The
book says that coming off the calcium blocker must be
monitored by a Dr... 
Enjoy your trip..I will talk to you then.  Love. 
--- m wrote:

> Hi.  Thanks for e-mail and call.  I have been taking
> care of my mother for 
> the last few days and am EXHAUSTED.  We will be
> traveling to FL on Tuesday and 
> will chat with you while on the road, if that's
> okay.  You know your Dad is 
> very sick.  He even asked Wayne if he would feed his
> barn kitties until further 
> notice.  We're talking sick.  He looks like a dead
> man and said he felt awful.  
> He has coughed so much and your Mom complains that
> he never covers his mouth 
> even though she tried to get him to.  Also, we have
> been trying to convince 
> her that she needs Theresa on Saturdays as well. 
> Popa put his foot down and 
> said no, so she has a battle on her hands, but she
> missed her breakfast with the 
> gang yesterday.  Popa was too sick to help her get
> ready and she asked Wayne 
> if he would help.  He told her no, that he was going
> to NC early.  So she 
> missed the party and was not happy.  Maybe if she
> gets unhappy enough she will 
> pitch a fit and bring in Theresa for Saturdays.  I
> wouldn't even have to be for 
> the entire day, maybe 8:00-12:00 for example.  Wayne
> talked to Teresa and she 
> said that she would be happy to work on Saturdays
> also.  Don't know what else we 
> can do at this point.  I respect that there are
> things they should be 
> deciding for themselves, but they just don't seem to
> be using good judgment.  Talk 
> soon.  Love, Shee
> 

10.1.04 Mother's checking account

Signing Mother's checks.

Mother and Daddy had separate checking accounts. Mother worked all of her married life and retired as a government employee from the accounting division of Defense Electronic Supply Center in Ohio. Mother's retirement income was greater than Daddy's income. One of the few times that Mother absolutely put her foot down was when she started her own checking account while Daddy had his own checking account and this started when she moved to Virginia. Each had household payment responsibilities.

Mother's illness progressed to the point where she could no long sign her name because of the tremors. Mother ask me if I would sign her checks. I said OK, but I would let the siblings know. I talked to Gail and ekj, explained that mom wanted wanted me to sign her checks and did they have a problem with it and the answer was no from both. I track my personal account via on-line and put all transactions in quicken pro-books so I naturally did that with mother's account.

The monthly bank statements were sent to Mom and Dad's house and after, I assume Dad, opened the statements, they were give to me for balancing.

I told both siblings that I would send both monthly reports and gave both the username and password for

the on-line account. Both declined the reports. ekj ultimately used the username and password to block my access to the account.

My only instructions were to keep Daddy from knowing what she spent money on. Mother gave money to the church which Daddy didn't like, nor did he like most of her other purchases.