11.4.03 Barbara email to friend

From: barbara lochner <
Sent: Tue, November 4, 2003 8:25:56 PM
Subject: slogging along

Yesterday afternoon I hauled out the electric blanket
and went to bed.  My neighbor who finds herself
endlessly fascinating called about 4 and said, oh did
I wake you.  Yes, you did.  She just went right on,
and as I hope to sell her house one day, I went right
on with her.  But went early to bed, around 8.  Today
is some better.
My parents are living in the house they built when
they retired, about 23 years ago.  It is about 2000 sq
ft, with a full basement.  It backs up to the family
farm which is about 90 acres.  My father disappears
back into the fields for hours at a time.  When he is
gone, my mother is afraid to get out of her chair for
fear that she will fall - and no one will know.  My
brother & wife are building a house on the lot next
door and are currently camping out in a motor home
next to the new house.  
They hover around, hoping to catch my parents before
they fall or otherwise hurt themselves.  It is very
difficult for Wayne & Sheila. They had planned to
spend the winter in Florida, for instance, but dare
not leave with my mother in the condition she is in.  
My father tells them, practically on a daily basis,
that they don't need to be there.  He insists that he
and mother are perfectly fine..not frail, not in need
of help, etc.  He flatly refuses to have any help in
the house...Only rarely does the cleaning woman come
in...when they are expecting house guests, only.  He
verbally attacks my brother when bro tries to help mom
out of the car.  "Leave her alone, leave her alone."
He insists that she is okay when she obviously is not.
Wayne says daddy bares his teeth and hisses.. Brother
cooks and takes them food but daddy ignores it or
looks at it and snorts.  He is a very difficult man
and moreso than ever.  The idea of getting them into a
care facility is a joke.  My dad would greet any 
would-be helpers with his shotgun.  Mother has spent
her life trying to pacify my Father..still making
feeble comments..
"Well, let's wait and see what the dr has to say..this
is probably all temporary...etc." 
If my dad makes her a piece of toast, it's looked on
as manna from the gods.