This blog is an attempt to memorialize our parents and right the wrongs done to them, and hopefully, by making readers aware of what can happen, we can protect other elderly parents who could fall victim to their own family members.
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From: barbara lochner > To: Sent: Wed, November 26, 2003 7:21:26 PM Subject: windows 98???
The voice has come down from on high. Dr. in Dayton that we all like says mother has severe arthritis and severe nerve damage in the lower spine..miracle there is no pain involved. Too old to atempt surgery. Plus the neuropathy in the legs, of course. No turning to the left or right. No reaching up or down. If she concentrates on a low center of gravity, she can walk from here to there without pitching over. Reality is, she needs to start using a walker but mentally may not be there yet. Therapy and exercise will hopefully keep up the muscle strength. Nothing else to do... Good news is that vital organs are okay and she has no brain disease...MS or Parkinsons. She had eye surgery this last year so can see better than ever.
From: barbara lochner < To: Sent: Tue, November 4, 2003 8:25:56 PM Subject: slogging along Yesterday afternoon I hauled out the electric blanket and went to bed. My neighbor who finds herself endlessly fascinating called about 4 and said, oh did I wake you. Yes, you did. She just went right on, and as I hope to sell her house one day, I went right on with her. But went early to bed, around 8. Today is some better. My parents are living in the house they built when they retired, about 23 years ago. It is about 2000 sq ft, with a full basement. It backs up to the family farm which is about 90 acres. My father disappears back into the fields for hours at a time. When he is gone, my mother is afraid to get out of her chair for fear that she will fall - and no one will know. My brother & wife are building a house on the lot next door and are currently camping out in a motor home next to the new house. They hover around, hoping to catch my parents before they fall or otherwise hurt themselves. It is very difficult for Wayne & Sheila. They had planned to spend the winter in Florida, for instance, but dare not leave with my mother in the condition she is in. My father tells them, practically on a daily basis, that they don't need to be there. He insists that he and mother are perfectly fine..not frail, not in need of help, etc. He flatly refuses to have any help in the house...Only rarely does the cleaning woman come in...when they are expecting house guests, only. He verbally attacks my brother when bro tries to help mom out of the car. "Leave her alone, leave her alone." He insists that she is okay when she obviously is not. Wayne says daddy bares his teeth and hisses.. Brother cooks and takes them food but daddy ignores it or looks at it and snorts. He is a very difficult man and moreso than ever. The idea of getting them into a care facility is a joke. My dad would greet any would-be helpers with his shotgun. Mother has spent her life trying to pacify my Father..still making feeble comments.. "Well, let's wait and see what the dr has to say..this is probably all temporary...etc." If my dad makes her a piece of toast, it's looked on as manna from the gods.
From: barbara lochner To: Sent: Tue, June 17, 2003 5:45:35 PM Subject: my mother Mother fell down a couple of days ago and has a hairline crack in her left shoulder. Her left arm and hand are bound in place so she does not have a lot of movement and is now dependent on daddy for help with getting dressed, shopping, cooking, eating, etc. So while you are there you should expect to take care of yourself re food, cleaning up. I am sure she will want to make corn bread & other favorites - and maybe she will have all the ingredients on hand and can do this -but, also, maybe not. Help them out as best you can. Love, mom.
From: barbara lochner < To: Sent: Tue, June 17, 2003 8:34:40 PM Subject: catch up
My parents are not good. 83 & 84 years old. Still independent but not very. Wayne, my brother, is building a house next to them and gets an emergency call about once a day. He is loosing his sense of humor. My dad runs the tractor into the fence, my mother falls down and has to go to emergency, my dad falls off the tractor, my mother runs the car into a building, my dad blindly punches the buttons on the remote and wipes out the tv, my mother looses the phone, starts a fire in the micro and locks herself out of the house. The biggest health worry is that my dad has colorectal problems and will not go in for a test. Will not. Has a million reasons why he puts it off and mother continues to claim she has no control over him..never has had. Daddy's father acted the same way with prostate cancer. Only went to see the Dr when he could no longer stand the pain. By that time, of course, too bad. One could make the case that he was 84, but still. I have lost two friends (54 & 76)to colorectal cancer in the past two years and know more about it than I care to. It is essentially painless until it is too late. More later.
From: barbara lochner < To: Sent: Sun, June 15, 2003 7:44:14 PM Subject: daddy's health This whole subject of daddy's health has become impossible to follow. Mother is now saying that daddy does not actually have an appointment for the colonoscopy, but an appointment with a Dr who may recommend that he have the cs. All previous discussions re procedures, etc., re this test have evaporated into thin air. All previous appointments, missed and otherwise, have slipped off the page. Wayne is on the scene and having a hard time pinning both mom & dad down. I think he thinks this is a setup for yet another skipped trip to the Dr... Maybe you can get to the bottom of it when you are there. Wayne & Sheila are busily painting and cleaning up the little house for you. I have been quite sick since returning from Va. In bed several days with the flu..12 days later, still not right. Think this same thing happened on my return from Mexico. Could be a coincidence...or the air quality on the planes these days. Hope all is well with you guys & you are enjoying your summer. Love, mom
From: barbara lochner To: Sent: Thu, May 29, 2003 5:38:24 PM Subject: Popa I need to tell you that my dad has (probably) all the symptoms of colorectal cancer. I found out that the Dr ordered a colonoscopy a long time ago..maybe a year. Daddy decided his symptoms were caused by Metamusel so he canceled his test. In the meantime, his bowel problem has become quite severe. I am gathering it's now a daily problem & embarrassment. He now has a new appointment for a colonoscopy. It's scheduled for sometime after the hay gets baled..late June. His weight loss, extreme fatigue, etc. are other symptoms. He has no pain, which is also common with colorectal cancer. No pain. C-r cancer is the #2 cancer killer in people over 55. I have had two friends die of c-r cancer in the past two years. (Ages 54 & 76.) Neither one had any idea there was anything wrong until the last three months of their lives. Then, of course, there is nothing to be done. It's possible there is some other cause...irritable bowel syndrome, etc., but from what I can gather, these other things strike much earlier in life. One doesn't suddenly at the age of 83 get IBS. At any rate, it is a huge worry. I am glad you have planned the July 4 trip. Do everything you can to follow thru. Love, mom
From: barbara lochner To: Sent: Mon, May 26, 2003 4:38:18 PM Subject: It's me It's me, little miss sunshine. I'm beginning to think my dad has colorectal cancer. It has come to light that he has been having - without warning - rectal 'explosions' over the past six months..maybe longer. It's been revealed that Dr scheduled a colonostomy quite a while back but daddy began to feel better and cancelled the appointment. Symptoms have become so severe that another appointment is scheduled and he claims he will show up for it...tho not go under as he wants to know what's going on. I have advised him to go under. He is also exhausted all the time, can barely stay awake yet claims he is sleepless every night - for reasons I can not ascertain, and has lost weight. He is 83. I am going back there this coming Friday. I fear the worst.