11.26.03 Barbara email to friend

From: barbara lochner >
Sent: Wed, November 26, 2003 7:21:26 PM
Subject: windows 98???

The voice has come down from on high.  Dr. in Dayton
that we all like says mother has severe arthritis and
severe nerve damage in the lower spine..miracle there
is no pain involved.  Too old to atempt surgery. Plus
the neuropathy in the legs, of course.  No turning to
the left or right.  No reaching up or down.  If she
concentrates on a low center of gravity, she can walk
from here to there without pitching over.  Reality is,
she needs to start using a walker but mentally may not
be there yet.  Therapy and exercise will hopefully
keep up the muscle strength. Nothing else to do...
Good news is that vital organs are okay and she has no
brain disease...MS or Parkinsons. 
She had eye surgery this last year so can see better
than ever.  


11.4.03 Barbara email to friend

From: barbara lochner <
Sent: Tue, November 4, 2003 8:25:56 PM
Subject: slogging along

Yesterday afternoon I hauled out the electric blanket
and went to bed.  My neighbor who finds herself
endlessly fascinating called about 4 and said, oh did
I wake you.  Yes, you did.  She just went right on,
and as I hope to sell her house one day, I went right
on with her.  But went early to bed, around 8.  Today
is some better.
My parents are living in the house they built when
they retired, about 23 years ago.  It is about 2000 sq
ft, with a full basement.  It backs up to the family
farm which is about 90 acres.  My father disappears
back into the fields for hours at a time.  When he is
gone, my mother is afraid to get out of her chair for
fear that she will fall - and no one will know.  My
brother & wife are building a house on the lot next
door and are currently camping out in a motor home
next to the new house.  
They hover around, hoping to catch my parents before
they fall or otherwise hurt themselves.  It is very
difficult for Wayne & Sheila. They had planned to
spend the winter in Florida, for instance, but dare
not leave with my mother in the condition she is in.  
My father tells them, practically on a daily basis,
that they don't need to be there.  He insists that he
and mother are perfectly fine..not frail, not in need
of help, etc.  He flatly refuses to have any help in
the house...Only rarely does the cleaning woman come
in...when they are expecting house guests, only.  He
verbally attacks my brother when bro tries to help mom
out of the car.  "Leave her alone, leave her alone."
He insists that she is okay when she obviously is not.
Wayne says daddy bares his teeth and hisses.. Brother
cooks and takes them food but daddy ignores it or
looks at it and snorts.  He is a very difficult man
and moreso than ever.  The idea of getting them into a
care facility is a joke.  My dad would greet any 
would-be helpers with his shotgun.  Mother has spent
her life trying to pacify my Father..still making
feeble comments..
"Well, let's wait and see what the dr has to say..this
is probably all temporary...etc." 
If my dad makes her a piece of toast, it's looked on
as manna from the gods.


6.17.03 Barbara email to son

From: barbara lochner
Sent: Tue, June 17, 2003 5:45:35 PM
Subject: my mother

Mother fell down a couple of days ago and has a
hairline crack in her left shoulder.  Her left arm and
hand are bound in place so she does not have a lot of
movement and is now dependent on daddy for help with
getting dressed, shopping, cooking, eating, etc.  So
while you are there you should expect to take care of
yourself re food, cleaning up. I am sure she will want
to make corn bread & other favorites - and maybe she
will have all the ingredients on hand and can do this
-but, also, maybe not.  Help them out as best you can.
Love, mom.


6.17.03 Barbara email to friend

From: barbara lochner <
Sent: Tue, June 17, 2003 8:34:40 PM
Subject: catch up

My parents are not good.  83 & 84 years old.  Still
independent but not very.  Wayne, my brother, is
building a house next to them and gets an emergency
call about once a day.  He is loosing his sense of
humor.  My dad runs the tractor into the fence, my
mother falls down and has to go to emergency, my dad
falls off the tractor, my mother runs the car into a
building, my dad blindly punches the buttons on the
remote and wipes out the tv, my mother looses the
phone, starts a fire in the micro and locks herself
out of the house.  The biggest health worry is that my
dad has colorectal problems and will not go in for a
test.  Will not.  Has a million reasons why he puts it
off and mother continues to claim she has no control
over him..never has had. Daddy's father acted the same
way with prostate cancer.  Only went to see the Dr
when he could no longer stand the pain. By that time,
of course, too bad.  One could make the case that he
was 84, but still.  I have lost two friends (54 &
76)to colorectal cancer in the past two years and know
more about it than I care to. It is essentially
painless until it is too late. 

More later.


6.15.03 Barbara email to son

From: barbara lochner <
Sent: Sun, June 15, 2003 7:44:14 PM
Subject: daddy's health

This whole subject of daddy's health has become
impossible to follow.  Mother is now saying that daddy
does not actually have an appointment for the
colonoscopy, but an appointment with a Dr who may
recommend that he have the cs.  All previous
discussions re procedures, etc., re this test have
evaporated into thin air. All previous appointments,
missed and otherwise, have slipped off the page. 
Wayne is on the scene and having a hard time pinning
both mom & dad down. I think he thinks this is a setup
for yet another skipped trip to the Dr...  
Maybe you can get to the bottom of it when you are
there.  Wayne & Sheila are busily painting and
cleaning up the little house for you.  
I have been quite sick since returning from Va.  In
bed several days with the flu..12 days later, still
not right.  Think this same thing happened on my
return from Mexico.  Could be a coincidence...or the
air quality on the planes these days.  
Hope all is well with you guys & you are enjoying your
summer.  Love, mom


5.29.03 Barbara email to son

From: barbara lochner
Sent: Thu, May 29, 2003 5:38:24 PM
Subject: Popa

I need to tell you that my dad has (probably) all the
symptoms of colorectal cancer.  I found out that the
Dr ordered a colonoscopy a long time ago..maybe a
year.  Daddy decided his symptoms were caused by
Metamusel so he canceled his test.  In the meantime,
his bowel problem has become quite severe.  I am
gathering it's now a daily problem & embarrassment. 
He now has a new appointment for a colonoscopy. It's
scheduled for sometime after the hay gets baled..late
June. His weight loss, extreme fatigue, etc. are other
symptoms.  He has no pain, which is also common with
colorectal cancer.  No pain. C-r cancer is the #2
cancer killer in people over 55.  I have had two
friends die of c-r cancer in the past two years. (Ages
54 & 76.) Neither one had any idea there was anything
wrong until the last three months of their lives. 
Then, of course, there is nothing to be done. 
It's  possible there is some other cause...irritable
bowel syndrome, etc., but from what I can gather,
these other things strike much earlier in life.  One
doesn't suddenly at the age of 83 get IBS. 
At any rate, it is a huge worry.  I am glad you have
planned the July 4 trip.  Do everything you can to
follow thru.
Love, mom  


5.26.03 Barbara email to friend

From: barbara lochner
Sent: Mon, May 26, 2003 4:38:18 PM
Subject: It's me

It's me, little miss sunshine.  I'm beginning to think
my dad has colorectal cancer.  It has come to light
that he has been having - without warning - rectal
'explosions' over the past six months..maybe longer. 
It's been revealed that Dr scheduled a colonostomy
quite a while back but daddy began to feel better and
cancelled the appointment.  Symptoms have become so
severe that another appointment is scheduled and he
claims he will show up for it...tho not go under as he
wants to know what's going on.  I have advised him to
go under. He is also exhausted all the time, can
barely stay awake yet claims he is sleepless every
night - for reasons I can not ascertain, and has lost
weight.  He is 83.  I am going back there this coming
Friday.  I fear the worst.